{Struggling}

I've been struggling lately, with life, with who I am, with how I define myself, with changes, even with trying to decide if I'm brave enough to post about this, & with the question of even continuing my blog (but that may be a whole separate post)..... just struggling in general. As I read that, it sounds bad, worse than it really is. Really, honestly, no one needs to freak out. I'm happy, I know I'm incredibly blessed, especially over this past year. And I'm thankful, I truly, truly am. My life is changing, and though some of these are great, long awaited, happy changes, some I wasn't quite ready for, thus the struggling. Once again, please don't worry about me, I'm mostly just venting, expressing my feelings and trying to work things out in my head..... writing helps, maybe I'll post this, and maybe, I'll just let it sit forever as an unpublished post, and count the writing as therapy.

The first big change... When I started my preschool, it was always intended to be a temporary thing. It was always something I knew I'd enjoy, but in someways started because there was a need for it in our little town. Yes, there were other preschools, but not in our town. It was a hassle to drive 15 min. each way to get children to preschool and there were enough children in town, one of which was my own child and my niece too. It was a win-win situation for me. Turns out, I loved teaching preschool and I was not too shabby at it either, if I'm being honest. I took over a bedroom in the basement and promised the boys that when Carlie was in school full time, Preschool would end and they would get their own rooms back. I had a plan that worked for all of us. Knowing that, I intended for this to be my last year, I was excited about it, I had so many ideas. Plans changed, the school district accepted every four year old that was interested in preschool and I had no kids sign up.... well, I did have one maybe? You can't teach preschool if there aren't any kids, so by default, PolkaDot Preschool was no more. I feel cheated, I wasn't ready for this change. Therefore, I'm struggling with it. I miss it, and honestly I feel a bit lost.

Change number two hasn't even actually occurred, but I've still got myself worked up over it. For the last three and a half years, I've served as the second counselor in our ward Primary presidency. I'm sure you see where this is going.... three and a half years is a long time, and there have been hints and rumors that our time is about up. Well, dang it, I love primary and though it may be time for a change, I'm not quite ready for that. Logically I know it's someone elses turn, but my heart isn't ready for that quite yet. I've spent my entire adult life in Primary and I WANT TO STAY! I know, that it isn't my choice, I just hope and pray that the Lord has something in mind for me. I need a calling, I need to be needed.

Last but not least, my baby headed off to Kindergarten.... I know it has to happen, but combined with everything else, it's left me feeling lost, unsure of who I am and how I define myself. If I had to put a word to the way I've been feeling lately, the only one I can come up with is insignificant.

Last Saturday, my mom called to remind me of the General Relief Society meeting that evening. If I'm being completely honest, I really didn't want to go. I was getting a cold, and that was the last things I wanted to do. I went anyway with a prayer in my heart, because I knew I should. The first half of the meeting was good, but nothing particularly stood out, or was just what I was needing. Then President Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke, everything about his message spoke to my soul. When he said, “You may at times feel a little like the forget-me-not—insignificant, small, or tiny in comparison with others,” My heart shouted, that's me..... was that not just what I had expressed as I began this blog post earlier in the week? Then he went on to add, "Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love." There was nothing I needed to hear more at that moment. Now if I can just remember that daily and internalize it. If you haven't read, heard or seen this talk, you MUST! Forget Me Not by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf.

{16 Years....}

16 years ago today this picture was taken.....

The days in those 16 years have been filled with ups and downs, laughter and tears, countless memories, 3 children, many homes, and a few jobs. This last year has brought some changes in our home, and I have to admit I fell in love with my amazing husband all over again. So, I went and married him again, this time.....

for ETERNITY!

Here's to the many, many memories to come. There isn't anyone I'd rather share this journey with! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Past anniversary posts, and some great pictures can be found here, here, and here.

{A Sneak Peek at some FABULOUS Pictures}

if I don't say so myself!

{Happiness}

Once again, I'm behind.....but this past Sunday was a special day for our family and I couldn't wait to catch up on everything before I shared!"Restoration of the Melchizedek Priesthood" by Avard Fairbanks, Temple Square, Salt Lake City.

On Sunday the 3rd of July, my sweet husband was ordained an Elder in the Melchizedek priesthood. For those who are not of our faith, we believe the priesthood is the eternal power and authority of God. Through the priesthood God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power He redeems and exalts His children, bringing to pass "the immortality and eternal life of man". God gives priesthood authority to worthy male members of the Church so they can act in His name for the salvation of His children. Priesthood holders can be authorized to preach the gospel, administer the ordinances of salvation, and govern the kingdom of God on the earth.

It was a day of complete happiness for my little family. We have waited patiently for this day to come. The Spirit was so strong and I was truly overcome with the peace and joy. What a great blessing this is for all of us!

{Great Big Giant Catch-Up}

I just realized that I blogged exactly once June and once in May.... how pathetic is that? Hopefully life has settled down a bit, and I can sort of keep up. As busy and crazy as the last few months have been, they have been good months, really good months. There have been some changes around here, and good things happening, that I hope to blog about soon. As behind as I am, I decided it was a good time for a monster catch-up post. So without further a-do.... May and June (and a bit of April) in a nutshell!

Kaleb tested to advance to a Yellow belt at Karate...... and passed!

His regular teacher Miss Camille was out of town, so Miss Monica tested him. She told me later, it was the first belt advancement she'd done. Because Brock is a belt higher than Kaleb he got to participate in the stomach punch ritual!
Carlie participated in the State Tumbling competition. She placed 4th on her floor routine.

She was pretty un-happy with her one trophy when she saw some of the other kids getting two. She didn't quite understand that they competed in two events and she only did in one!

I finally did get a little smile out of her!

Kaleb earned his Wolf badge at Cub Scouts.

My three cute baseball kiddos!

Kaleb and Carlie are both done for the year, but Brock is still playing. That I can handle, but when we had 4 practices a week and 5-6 games a week, I was a bit base balled out!

Brock- Majors

Kaleb- Minors

Carlie- T Ball

My mom, my sister-in-law Katy and I spent Mothers Day weekend in Salt Lake. We met up with some of my Aunts and Cousins to participate in the Race for a Cure. I always am so touched by the crowds of people and those they participate to support or remember. I've set a goal to RUN next year, not walk. I'm not a runner, but I really want to give it a shot and figure, I should be able to be ready in a year, right?

Kaleb participated in his Elementary School program. This years theme was "We Sing of America". It was weird only having one child participate.

Kaleb's grade danced to "Surfin' USA" and each had to design a surfboard. Kaleb wanted pink flames and luckily he has a talented dad, who sketch out a design, grabbed the paint and went to town painting!

My adorable preschool class had a little graduation program. They each had a little part, and sang a few songs. We had to move it to the church building because of the weather, but it still turned out pretty good.

Aren't they stinkin' CUTE? I really miss them since school is out!

We couldn't come up with a good weekend this summer for our family camp out, so we borrowed my sister in laws family cabin at Duck Creek and had our weekend early.... in the snow :)

The kids (and some of the adults) had fun playing Just Dance on the Wii, and those who didn't dance had fun laughing.

The boys played lots of chess and spent a bit of time outside.

Kaleb ended the school year with a bang..... he broke his arm on the 2nd to last day before summer break!

He made sure the Doctor knew that he wanted a pink cast when he came back to have it set, and pink he got! Silly boy!His pinewood derby car had to have pink on it to match his cast!

Carlie had a bast helping to decide which car won!

Kaleb's car ended up taking second overall!

There you have most of the last few months in a nutshell!

{Don't Give Up on Me, Pretty Please}

It's been busy around here, like crazy busy. Between baseball (still), the end of school, Preschool graduation, broken limbs, Primary, the town park (for Derrick) and the towns insurance policy (me), Girls camp, and a much needed little family vacation.... there just aren't enough hours in the day. I want to blog, I really do. And I have so many things that I want to share (some are SUPER good things, like really, really good). It's on my to do list, but not as close to the top as I want it to be. So I'm begging, don't give up on me. Pretty please? Any day now there will be a list of posts.... soon I hope. In the meantime, all these crazy {MO}ments are creating memories, right?

I just had to add one picture, cause posts MUST have pictures, right? And this was one of my favorites from our little vacation, so I must share it!

{Flashback Friday}

Yea, yea.... I know it's Sunday. Give me a break, Friday was a crazy day, and Saturday was too. Who am I kidding, this time of year is just crazy for us, so let me just pretend it's Friday, okey dokey?
The reason for all the craziness???

BASEBALL!

All three of the kiddos are playin'. Brock-Majors, Kaleb-Minors and Carlie-TBall (and I'm the lucky mom who happens to be co-coaching those cute lil' ones with my sister). Anyhow, that means 5 practices and 5-6 games a week for this family, not to mention all the other regular things like Scouts, Karate, Tumbling and Piano. Ready to jump back to the 80's?

1984 (I think?) Can you find me? Yep, I'm the hat-less girlie!
1985
1986
Don't those Beckstrand girls make fantastic sign holders?
1987- We moved onto girls softball, once again sign holders.

So, with all these years of baseball pictures, you'd assume I had some mad ball skills that passed onto my offspring, right? WRONG! In all honestly I stink at all sports, and really can't figure out why I played that many years of Little League and then played Church ball too? Seriously, I was the kid they stuck in right or left field and then prayed no one hit the ball there? The only kid I see taking after me is Miss Carlie who I'm finding cares more about how she looks in her uniform and gets quite upset when we try to correct her batting stance..... she likes her diva pose, dang it! (need a visual.... scroll down to the {Preschool Craziness} post, add a bat and you've got the T-Ball Diva!)