The first big change... When I started my preschool, it was always intended to be a temporary thing. It was always something I knew I'd enjoy, but in someways started because there was a need for it in our little town. Yes, there were other preschools, but not in our town. It was a hassle to drive 15 min. each way to get children to preschool and there were enough children in town, one of which was my own child and my niece too. It was a win-win situation for me. Turns out, I loved teaching preschool and I was not too shabby at it either, if I'm being honest. I took over a bedroom in the basement and promised the boys that when Carlie was in school full time, Preschool would end and they would get their own rooms back. I had a plan that worked for all of us. Knowing that, I intended for this to be my last year, I was excited about it, I had so many ideas. Plans changed, the school district accepted every four year old that was interested in preschool and I had no kids sign up.... well, I did have one maybe? You can't teach preschool if there aren't any kids, so by default, PolkaDot Preschool was no more. I feel cheated, I wasn't ready for this change. Therefore, I'm struggling with it. I miss it, and honestly I feel a bit lost.
Last but not least, my baby headed off to Kindergarten.... I know it has to happen, but combined with everything else, it's left me feeling lost, unsure of who I am and how I define myself. If I had to put a word to the way I've been feeling lately, the only one I can come up with is insignificant.
Last Saturday, my mom called to remind me of the General Relief Society meeting that evening. If I'm being completely honest, I really didn't want to go. I was getting a cold, and that was the last things I wanted to do. I went anyway with a prayer in my heart, because I knew I should. The first half of the meeting was good, but nothing particularly stood out, or was just what I was needing. Then President Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke, everything about his message spoke to my soul. When he said, “You may at times feel a little like the forget-me-not—insignificant, small, or tiny in comparison with others,” My heart shouted, that's me..... was that not just what I had expressed as I began this blog post earlier in the week? Then he went on to add, "Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love." There was nothing I needed to hear more at that moment. Now if I can just remember that daily and internalize it. If you haven't read, heard or seen this talk, you MUST! Forget Me Not by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
11 nice, polite comments! (otherwise, don't bother!):
Monica, I've been feeling the same way regarding different circumstances in my life. I think as women we all go through this, because we need to by needed, wanted and busy.
Thank you for sharing the talk. I wasn't able to attend the meeting and I will definitely have some "catch-up" reading!
We all face these times in our lives where we question our importance. That talk was just what every woman needed to hear.
Hang in there kid!
xoxoxx
Mo I can definately tell you that you are not alone (but I think you already know that). In fact, you are completely normal and what you are going through is also completely normal. Changes are hard and I think that is why most every woman I know absolutely loved and clung to the talk that Elder Uchtdorf gave. I know it was inspired because a man could certainly not know on his own what we, as women, feel like.
So glad you went and felt that love.
You are awesome!!
1- I am grateful you posted.
2- If you quit blogging.. I will be mad! This is good for me.. and for you.. remember!!!
3- You are a woman with many, many, many talents. ~ And although change IS hard.. you are going to "let you light shine" in many areas. I have learned this first hand.
I wish I could come down and pick you up. I really think you have been overloaded and need some "you" time.
Hang in there... keep having Faith and moving forward. You are loved.. you are good... you are kind.. you are important. :)
Love you much.. Praying for you..
My dear Monica! You are a fabulously talented gal!! Your life is moving forward and the things you are used to doing are changing so you probably do feel a little empty because those things are leaving/left your routine.
I completely understand, but you can fill those "empty" spots/time slots with different positive activities.
I know you (like me) like to have strict structure and a very organized life--I just have to tell ya that my life isn't as organized (not by choice) as it used to be. I can't stand to "go with the flow", but I have been forced to the last couple of years and I don't see a dramatic change in the forecast either so I just have to roll with the punches...and I still get the necessary, pertinent and important things accomplished (along with some fun).
Sometimes we feel like we aren't accomplishing as much as we used to so that makes us feel unfulfilled, then we feel worthless and get the blues. Hang in there...different opportunities will come your way!
Pres. Uchtdorf touched many hearts! I love ya!
Monica, the first thing I thought while reading this is they may release you as 2nd counselor to put you in as President!! =) I know you will miss those kids and they will miss you too.
It makes me sad that you are going through so much inner turmoil. You contribute sooo much to everyone around you. I don't know if you realize how much everyone values you. I count you as one of the most amazing women I know.
Babies grow up. As mothers it is hard to believe how quickly it happens. I'm crying just thinking of my littles and how they are changing right before my eyes. Every season brings new joy. Look for the excitement and new experiences still being unfolded for the kids at each age. They will ALWAYS be your babies.
Next time you are down lets do lunch....I'm home alone too!
Amen to all the comments! You are SO much more than JUST a preschool teacher, a primary counselor, a super-duper mom, a pretty face, an intelligent and inspired lady, an incredible wife, an amazing sister and daughter, a good friend, a fantastic listenter, a yummy cooker, an OVERLY creative and TALENTLED crafter, a hilarious girl, the hostiest hoster, etc, etc, etc.... my list could go on and on!!!!! I'm shocked. YOU can't feel inadequate! You are CLEARLY beyond inadequate!!! Did you not read my list because it doesn't say anything about you having weaknesses. Those are reserved for those of us who REALLY have them.
not gonna lie, i agree with ginger's sentiments. immediately i thought that just because the current presidency may be coming to a close does not necessarily mean a farewell to primary altogether. on the other hand, knowing how talented you are, perhaps your skills and testimony are desperately needed in YW or in RS for that matter. serio. i'd be elated to have you in either in our ward!!!! 100% truth. you lift those around you no matter the scenario. your eye for beauty is a breath of fresh air. your artistic talents brighten EVERYTHING! you are SO significant, and SO needed in Heavenly Father's kingdom. not saying its time for a new hat, but perhaps a new style of hat. or a re-invention on your current style. that's all. :)
i myself WAS too sick to attend the broadcast. made me sad, cause i've heard such amazing things from it. wish my life would slow enough that i could watch it online, but it seems every moment is spoken for by someone other than me. so, i'll see it eventually. but in the meantime, just what i read in your post brought me to tears. therefore, i know it was needed worldwide. cause if it hit me so strongly, sitting at my desk, still in my PJ's (thanks to a sleepless night), this many gajillion miles from utah --- well i'd say i'm one of the least of these my sisters. so it was meant for us all. :) love you sooooo much! i can't remember, are you going to be at CBC in march? if so, i cannot wait! ::uber-hugs::
Well I think you're pretty awesome. I have always wished that we were 1st cousins because I was more your age than your mom.
Alison Beacham
I could see why you are you feeling that way, you have been home with your kids and now they are all in school. You feel like all the children in your life are being yanked from you. I would feel that way. I am so sorry, I know it has to be a hard change. I don't look forward to it. I am glad you went and heard that talk. That talk was amazing. I had Kurt watch it. Just know that you are still needed by all children weather you are in primary, have your children at home or teach preschool. I know that those children you have taught will remember the things you have taught them and they will be grateful for you. Hang in there!
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